“A Divine Journey: Seeking a Soulmate for Eternal Growth”

Christel Payseng
3 min readMay 24, 2024

My greatest fear is not being understood. That’s why when people ask me why I am not yet married, I tell them it’s because I am genuinely searching for a lifelong companion who will never tire of exchanging ideas, someone who will grow with me through every stage of life as I strive to understand their mind as well.

We were different at 15, our minds were different at 26, and they will be very different at 36 and will continue to evolve until we reach our 60s. One of my greatest problems is the fear of becoming bored. What a tragedy it would be to realize that you married someone and, in just three years, you are already bored. I don’t want that for anyone. Sexual feelings and physical attraction, even careers, end when you resign or retire. How can I be sure that the mind of the person I marry would remain interesting, like an endless book waiting to be explored? And how can I be sure that this person will also be in an endless pursuit of knowledge that doesn’t end with books — they should also want to deepen their spiritual knowledge?

When I like someone, I study their favorite songs and music. Films are what they are devoted to. What is currently on their mind? And I marvel at it. It’s so beautiful to study a person’s mind and consciousness as they evolve. My greatest fear is that if I choose a partner, they won’t be as keen to experience new things. They might not even like to travel or push the boundaries of their own thinking. They might not want to grow, and worse, they might not even listen to what I am saying. The worst would be if they considered me a threat rather than a partner.

As a woman, I have experienced how one’s mind can be curtailed and controlled. This is not to say that absolute freedom is necessary, but I want someone with whom I can have long walks, where we never run out of things to talk about. Each day should be new for both of us — we should be able to explore together. That level of interest, where even though arguments cannot be avoided, we learn together.

I once broke up with someone who refused to walk. He didn’t want to walk, was lazy, couldn’t see how beautiful the day was, and was grumpy, always wanting to take a taxi. He argued with cab drivers and hated everything about the country. I couldn’t imagine being with someone who couldn’t see the beauty of the moment.

“Dream on,” an acquaintance once told me. “You’re hoping for something that doesn’t exist. Just settle. What you’re asking for is too difficult. There’s no such person.” And it’s kind of disheartening, really.

But wouldn’t you rather walk alone, filled with entertaining thoughts and converse with God by the waters, rather than be stuck with a mind you do not want to marvel at, especially when there is nothing to discover?

I still hope. After all, it is God who will choose for me.



Christel Payseng

Writer, PR Media, Literature Hobbyists, Digital Marketer