When did you realize someone was not meant for you?
It’s weird how we obsess about a certain person or relationship for several months or years, only to realize they are not the One for us.
This happened to me, a few years ago. To get rid of the ache of rejection I travelled extensively. Reaching the far borders of the Cordilleras, the edge of Baler Quezon, the borders of Thailand until Cambodia. Joined several organizations, and met more than a thousand people to eliminate the sting and scorn of rejection. Why did this person not love me back?
Until all the years, faces, experiences, and people swept back the tides, I could no longer remember his voice or how he smiled. Or the way he held my hand. I did not date anybody else. I made sure the progress and self-reflection involved my entire senses. Where did I go wrong? What did the universe want me to do? Until my pen no longer wrote poems.
And then out of nowhere, he sends a long winding message. A song, several songs. Telling me that he wants me back. That I was the One for him. But my soul does not recognize him anymore. I don’t know this person anymore. I don’t recognize the signature patterns. I have shed so much skin, my hair strands are a different shade of brown and gold. My heart no longer beat the same tune. I did not know him anymore and our souls and destinies are not intertwined. It was over. Truly over.
After some time, another face came. Another obsession. Another person to write poems for. A little bit more intense than the first one. I was almost sure it was the One. I met him, finally. Finally, this was the One. That I just needed to wait a little bit.
Only to realize, that this is a shorter melody. This time I reached the land of the Rising Sun and danced to the tune of Gundam. The face the physique and the voice were completely obliterated. I was mistaken about this person. This was a friend. A friend that was never intended to take my hand. It was a friend to support and encourage. He isn’t the One.
It’s a bummer at times, but it is what it is.
The journey continues —
You just know, and you just know. It’s a gut feeling. A sensory motion. A change in your mind or step. A whisper. You just know when someone is not for you — as you too have changed so much- that there is no going back. LOVE of that scale is momentarily and fleeting — until the next Wind Arrives.