“When Love Feels Like Panic: Navigating the Fear of Dating”

Maybe it’s the slight fever on a Monday evening when I decided to open my old OKCupid dating account, and update my photos, bio, and the city where I live. But while swiping through potential future partners, I started feeling nauseous. Panic set in, and I had panic attacks. I don’t like feeling this way. Dating, or the idea of getting to know a future partner, should be fun. I don’t want to be this negative person when it comes to love life or dating. I want to see it in a positive light.

But I don’t know why I can’t even last 30 minutes on the site. I end up closing the online dating platform. Whenever I try to date someone new, this happens — I get overwhelmed with panic. Sometimes, I even feel like vomiting, and I don’t enjoy it. It’s trauma. It’s as if all the trauma from the past comes back, and I freeze and overthink.

This is how I am when talking to someone new whom I feel I might like. I freeze, then I feel the urge to run. It’s like I’m going to suffocate.

At my age, I feel the pressure. “Why aren’t you dating?” “Why don’t you get married?” “Why don’t you want to get married?” These questions get to me sometimes. And I wonder, why not?

I’m beginning to realize that I might truly need counseling for this specific area in my life. Is it just me?

The moment I open a dating app, I quickly close it again. There’s a part of me that wants to stay in Peter Pan’s world. If I never marry, if I never reach that stage — can all my achievements and life milestones still be considered enough? Is it possible that I passed the test of a good life?

Even if I don’t succeed in this particular area, will all my other achievements count?

I genuinely wonder how other people do it. The older generations — they seem to date, have kids, divorce, remarry, divorce again, date again, and bravely go through it all. Why am I so weak in this area?

Can you please pray for me? That I overcome this fear.